what gives?

clearly i am not myself lately.
 
my beloved john is coming to town in july.
 
and i actually decided not to go.
 
i have of course since changed my mind.  but only 'cuz i couldn't let arnelle and mike go without me.
 
but if arnelle and mike hadn't wanted to go would i have ever changed my mind?  
 
these are things we will never know. 
 
me.